Friday, October 20, 2006

Suicide Watch...

My family has me on suicide watch...I went to bed in tears...I'm moody and despondant. I've received condolences from friends and family - including this e-card from my sister.

Sympathy Card

Did my dog die? Did my best friend pick a fight? Did I just get fired from my job? Nope, Nope and Nope.

What did happen is that the baseball season ended for me and the New York Mets last night. The Mets lost a heartbreaker game 7 to the St. Louis Cardinals - a game that was tied going into the 9th inning.

Truth be told, the game was a great game and the series was entertaining. Unfortunately, the great Mets lineup just didn't get it done, and they lost 3-1.

The only solace I can take is that baseball season is only 5 and a half months away and they have a core of very young very talented players. We'll see you next year.


PS: Endy Chavez made perhaps the greatest play I have ever seen in the playoffs last night, stealing a home run...check this out!


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Biggest Loser...

Some things that I wish were 300...a) My salary in thousands of dollars, b) the number of days off I get off every year c) The number of times daily Angie told me she loved me. One thing that I wish wasn't almost 300 - MY WEIGHT.

Yesterday we started a "Chub Club" at work. Basically, 10 guys and 1 woman have vowed to lose 10 pounds over the next month. The ones that don't succeed must pay $50 into the "Lard Pool". Those that do make it share in the money. We all weighed in, and I tipped the scales at a whopping 294.6 lbs, the highest I have ever weighed.

So today, I'm eating a salad, some fruit, oatmeal, and a Weight Watchers entree. Tomorrow, I take a walk or hit the Community Center for some basketball and racquetball. Not only do I want to lose these 10, but 85 more, and get close to 200. I'll keep track on the blog.

Now, I just need to watch out for that e-coli in my lettuce!


Sunday, October 08, 2006

Married in Galveston

No, I'm not into polygamy. I did however marry my good friend Ron and his wife, Jo Ana this Saturday on a weekend getaway to Galveston Island, south of Houston. I know what you're thinking and I'll explain.

Angie and I have been planning on attending the wedding for several months. Angie made all the sitter arrangements (Thanks Stacey & David and Carrie & Chris) so we were going to enjoy two days away. Then, about a month ago, Ron called me and told me that the person they had to do the wedding had to pull out and would I be willing. Now, you need to understand that Ron is the type of guy with endless generosity who would do anything for anyone, and has been there for me in a pinch once or twice, so I told him I'd look into getting ordained and that if the time requirements weren't too great, I'd do it. Well, that's all they needed to hear, because they apparently did all the research and leg work prior. Jo Ana sent me a link to the Rose Ministries and voila, I was ordained.

Now, let's be honest. Although the ordination that I have is legally binding in all 50 states, it is not the same thing as someone who's spent years in study becoming a pastor or other clergy. It seems that due to the 4th amendment, and the separation of church and state stipulations, that the government has some pretty "loose" laws regarding the legality of religious ceremonies. Since the Rose Ministries is a recognized church (and pretty much any church MUST be recognized) and they allow their "clergy" to become ordained through completing a web form, then I'm recognized as authorized to perform a legally binding wedding - I even signed the marriage certificate to prove it.

So, my first wedding is done, and I'm officially retired. I'd rather not do that again, but I am very happy to have helped a friend. I think I was asked because they knew I'd take it seriously, and because of my work, I'm comfortable speaking in front of groups. Truth be told, I was nervous, VERY NERVOUS! Thankfully, Jo Ana had scripted the whole ceremony out except for the wedding prayer, which I gave some prior thought to, but basically winged it when the time came.

Ultimately, everyone there was extremely impressed with my performance and everyone said I did a great job. All I know is that I didn't screw it up, we had a great party with friends, and Angie and I had a seafood filled weekend. Now I just need to find out what the normal honorarium is for performing a wedding, in case anyone else asks.


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Weather in Texas

Although the weather has been warm and pleasant, this joke is not far from the truth...

May 30th: Just moved to Dallas, Texas. Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks.. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is not working and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th: If another wise ass asks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing now, so my $1700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?

So keep this in mind when I invite you down to our house. Ya'll come back now, y'here.